Friday, July 11, 2008

Violent Silence

I beheaded my inner critic today.

Not that she didn't deserve it, mind you, but I'm not usually prone to that kind of violence. It surprised me to what extent I would go to silence the nasty garbage spewing from her mouth.

See, I got a rejection today. It was a good rejection, a great one actually (if rejections can ever be considered great) and came in the form of a phone call. I always thought calls were reserved for the few select who received an acceptance. I'd never heard of a phone rejection, and yet that is what I got today. It was an extremely nice and complimentary rejection for a book I was told was 99% there--they just couldn't fit me into their publishing schedule for at least two years and rather than hold onto it, they were going to let it go so I could find a home for it somewhere else.

Well, after another no and another "almost", I was feeling pretty low and my inner critic started in on me. "Why even bother sending it out to agents? Even if they like the book, they'll never find a picture of you good enough to go in the back cover," she snarled. That brought me up cold. "Stop right there," I said in response, but she wouldn't stop. She continued to spit her nasty drivel in my direction and I just couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't true. I knew it with all my heart, so first I pounded on her face, then suddenly my hands sprouted sickle blades and, whack--her head went flying.

My first thought was, "Oh no, I've killed my inner critic!", but the silence was so divine I couldn't help but smile and then laugh out loud. The nasty voice was quiet. I'm sure she'll find her way back to life at some point, but for now, when I need it the very most, she is gone.

Oh, blessed relief!

Thought of the day: "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you."
~Ray Bradbury

6 comments:

Shanna Blythe said...

Way to go . . . try to KEEP her dead!

Karlene said...

You know, that really wasn't a true rejection. You should be dancing in the streets over it. Well, yes. It would have been better if they said they were going to bump someone else for your book, but still. 99% there? That's great news.

Karen Hoover said...

Shanna-Easier said than done. She's like one of the living dead who somehow always seems to find a way to reattach her head! lol

Karlene-Julie Wright told me much the same thing, and you're both right. Sometimes it's just hard to see the sky past all the poopie disappointment. Thanks to both of you for the reminder and encouragement!

Tristi Pinkston said...

Sorry about the rejection -- but way to go on murdering that ornery old crone!

Jennifer said...

Way to go! Both on the "rejection" and the "murder". :)

Melinda said...

Karen,

You are one of my favorite people. This blog shows why. You are witty, clever, human, (a little violent-it can be a good thing) and a great writer and friend.

Keep at it!

You are almost there...