I finally went to see a psychologist who deals in grieving and she has made a profound difference in my life. She told me to keep the relationship alive with my mother. That particular phrasing hit me like nothing has since I lost Mom. I believe in an afterlife. I believe Mom's spirit is not far away and I've felt her close by on many occasions. The problem has always been that I couldn't really communicate with her. I talked to her on occasion but for some strange reason she didn't answer back and it frustrated me.
The doctor's solution? Write letters to my mom. It has changed my life.
I know that sounds rather dramatic, but when you've been living in a hole for five months, seeing the sunlight again is a rather dramatic thing. I've found hope again. When I write I can hear Mom's voice in my thoughts, perhaps the memories of conversations before or bits of knowing her so well I know how she would respond. It's as if I can finally have a conversation with her, even beyond the veil to eternity and it has begun to fill a bit of the hole her absence has caused. I'm not all the way back. I don't know if I ever will be, but I can write again. It started with the letters, and that has inspired me to start writing a new book, which in turn has brought me back to my blogs. Thank you for your patience, dear readers. I shall be more dedicated with my blogging and I promise you I shall not only blog, but I shall write stories like never before. Writing brings peace. Writing brings joy in a time filled only with sorrow. Writing has brought me full circle back to myself and knowing it is one of those things I just have to do.
Writing has brought me back home. One person short. A little more fragile. But a better person for the experience.
Quote of the Day: "The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium."